Breaking the Pride Inside – Episode 2

Walking to work this morning, I remembered being 18 years old and quitting my part time job at a fast food restaurant. Having been off work due to illness for a few months, it was decided that I would not return to work there. While telling one of the Managers not to schedule me for any shifts he told me “Good riddance, and get out”. Being the more shy and humble person I was in those days, I shook his hand, thanked him and left feeling stepped on. However, the thought of seeking my own vindication didn’t cross my mind, nor did I have the confidence to stand up for myself.

In latter years, my confidence grew to the point I became very prideful. I got to thinking about all the ways I had been hurt by people over the years, and made a vow no one would ever be allowed to do that again. With all my strength and to my last dying breath, I would stand up for myself and seek my own revenge when it was necessary.

Once I began studying the Word, I came to the point where I began praying to our Dear Lord to help me break the Pride inside. Ask for what you want from Him, but be prepared that you may get it!  I have been tested on many levels since I made that prayer, and to be honest I have not passed all the tests as He would have liked me to.

Today’s test of pride was finding out that a colleague of mine is seeking to be promoted and to take on responsibility of support that I had been doing for many years. It has been hoped that the ground work I had been laying would result in my own promotion into an area I enjoyed very much, and would get me through the last 15 years until my retirement.

Funny thing in looking at the previous paragraphs I have just written, what jumps out at me is all the “I’s” and “Me’s” and “My’s”. In God’s Word we are not to live for ourselves, but to live to serve others and think of them first. There is no room for I, Me, and My in that context.

How I choose to handle this situation will be an effect on my opportunity to pass this new test. The upper management in my company already knows of my aspirations. Whomever is appointed to take the lead and possible promotion, will depend on who Management decides. In recent years I would be trying to control the situation by influencing others or getting upset over the matter.

Perhaps I am supposed to just sit back, wait with patience and with a good attitude, and see how the chips fall?

Breaking the Pride Inside

For those who ever doubted how faithful God is, here is proof of His faith.

For the past few weeks, I have been praying to the Lord to help me in breaking down my Pride and to teach me the meaning of Humility. Pride is the source of many other afflictions such as selfishness, greed, lust, and anger.

For many years, I had a high-minded and proud attitude about myself. I was never in the wrong, others around me were lazy, mean-spirited, and always trying to get by with doing as little as possible. I sought out my own vindications, revenge, and worked hard to always be right and to be shown as the shining star on top of the heap. This attitude only lead me into bitterness, the desire to isolate from the World, and to turn away from all that was Godly.

Since beginning my walk with God 3 years ago (with some breaks in-between for the old attitudes rearing their ugly heads) I have been blessed and healed by Him in so many ways. My stony heart has been replaced with a more tender one. My eyes have been opened to notice Others who are struggling in their lives, and compassion has begun to grow inside me for the first time since I was a child. I found myself treating people far more gently and with special care then I ever had. The more I talk to God and read his Word, the more I wanted to and this only increased my healing.

It was the beginning of 2013 that the Holy Spirit put on my heart that it was time to put down some of the old habits that were stunting my spiritual growth. When I found these habits (addictions) could not easily be put to rest, I began to seek God’s help and guidance with a vengeance. I began reading about humility, pride, and learning how the first is what we are to strive for in our spiritual walk. The earthly pride had to be broken in order to move forward in God’s plan for my life.

March 27, 2013:  I receive my written Performance Review from my Manager. It is a major blow to my pride to read that my endeavours over the past year are seen as below the minimum requirements expected of me in my position! I had felt that I was working at a pace far greater than I ever had, while thanking God each day and night for His Grace and strength that were allowing me to keep up to the demands that had been placed on me this year. Immediately, I felt sick to my stomach and my head swam with prideful thoughts about how wrong my Manager was.

Over the morning, I allowed the Word of God to speak to me and I tried my best to listen with my heart.

“Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, so that in due season He may exult you”.

“Do not be conformed to this World, but be transformed by the entire renewal of your mind”.

“Set your mind and keep it set on things above, and not on things of this Earth”.

While those thoughts did help to calm me down, and read over my Performance Review a 2nd time with a more open-mind, I still felt very sick to my stomach and thought of going home and taking the rest of the week off.

It was then placed on my heart that I should take a few moments and blog about this experience. As I have been writing, I have felt joy and contentment returning to my soul. Now my plan is to take a walk on my lunch break, and to send Praise and thanks to God for being faithful! I feel that if I trust this humbling experience and do all that I can to learn from it, it will send me to a newer level of spiritual victory that is far more important then what mankind has to say about me.

Praise God!